Q&A

What do you do when you have different answers for a question?

They are both right, they both make lots of sense,

but you just can't make your decision to choose either one of them.

They say it's hard to make people listen, understand and accept your opinion.

That is totally true.

It's harder when that person is you yourself.

To be honest, this answer can make a HUGE change in my life,

especially my future.

That...isn't helping at all.

So here is the question:

Follow my heart and be happy?

Follow my head and be steady?

Try to do both with the risk of failing both?

Or should I just forget about it and move on with my life, which is kinda boring by now.

Another sleepless night.

Another starless sky.

Another answerless question.

Goodnight, good morning, good day, wherever you are.

Let's do it~

Recently, weird thoughts have been popping into my head.
Thoughts of the future, twisted and painful.

Might be cause it's my last two weeks back at home.
It always get worse when something is coming to an end.

In these thoughts, tragedy or accidents seems to never end.
People that I care getting hurt, harmed...
the agony is killing me.

To be honest, I can't keep going on like this.
I need somebody to lean on,
and I hope the time will come soon.

On the other hand, I'm going back to Cardiff soon.
Second year, going to put in more effort.
With a strong heart, I will face it head on.
Wait for me, I'm on the way.

Something I heard today,
Don't just think think think, DO! (sorry the woman had very bad English ;))

Let's DO it!!! :)

Life & Time, it has been while...

A year has passed in a blink of an eye.
Many things forgotten without me realising.
It's only when I check my bookmark that I remember,
how long has it been since I wrote in my blog.

Time moves forward, ignoring all that tries to stop it.
Life is like an idiot, that never leave time's ass out of sight.
So once in awhile, when Time allows, ask to look back in Life.
Love, passion, interest, pain, knowledge, time...
Those that were once important, are now nothing but a memory.

Not to tell you to never look forward again.
Not to tell you to never look back and recall the good and bad times.

Do you know why Life continues along this path,
even though at the end of Time,
there is nothing but Death? End of existence?
That is because he knows without looking back,
A trail of memories have been left behind.

Even after leaving,
Life, YOUR Life still lives on.
All that you felt, all that you have been through,
will forever be in people's hearts,
cause MEMORY is the only one who can never be tied down by Time.

Live, Bond, Love
Even if it hurts,
Feel, Hate, Forgive
Cause Life moves on, never leaving Time alone...

Maybe it's time...

...to move on.

(￣▽￣)

Chiang Mai, Thailand.

20/09 - 02/10/2013

I actually already finished another blog post with a more details of my trip in Chiang Mai, but...I thought it's better not to post it. Like what we said:" What happened in Chiang Mai stays in Chiang Mai."

No loose ends. (seriously you don't want to know everything)

Two weeks.
Twenty friends from all around the globe.
Two hospitals.
A home.

I'll never forget everything.
From the experience I gained in the hospitals.
From the chats we had when we live in a no TV and wifi zone.
From the stories and jokes we shared in the dining area.
From the 'accident' where I fell in the pool.
From the delicious Thai cuisines Esther cooked.
From the shopping in the night markets.
And lastly from the stuff we swore never to see again.

It was perfect.
Because I started unwilling to go, but came home unwilling to leave.
You guys share the same passion as me, and maybe that's why we all bonded in such short time.

It was interesting.
Because I witnessed surgeries and diagnosis that I had never seen before, and now I have.
The doctor were good even when hospital conditions weren't perfect. Lives were saved.

It was unforgettable.
Because of Friday night(s), Halloween dinner river cruise.
The food and atmosphere was the highlight of the dinner and will stay in my memory forever.
(unless of course if I have brain diseases where it is totally impossible for me to remember. LOL!)

Thank you.
It was worth it.
Bon Voyage and we will meet again.

Love
Juinn

一步一步慢慢走...

Finally I'm starting to self-motivate myself to move on. Seriously, staying in the same place just pissed me off.

So...I took a step.

I'm going to Thailand~~!!

Obviously I'm excited. 1. I'm going alone. 2. It's related to medicine so duh~xD

The cost...hmmm...don't ask, it'll make me want to lie face down on the floor and cry the shit out of myself.

That is why my aim is to make friends why god knows who and rock their world...without entering drunk mode hopefully.

20th of this month...can't wait!!xDDDDD

Then another step.

I, the god of laziness and sleeping, am spending a large amount of my time...to...exercise. LOL~xD

Everyday I jog. I play basketball (alone at home). Does sound a little sad.

Anyway I think I lost weight, or maybe I hope I gained weight by putting on some muscles.

Yes, I dream like all the other guys.

It does make me feel so much...better. I don't feel zombified or liquidified or wake up thinking I'm the puke monster. It is absolutely beneficial~

It's also kinda addictive. A day without jogging, I just feel so restless and my whole body will go cuckoo~

Another small step is spending time with my parents.

Baking with mom. Love baking COOKIES~~xD

A new hobby I hope just as soon as I can differentiate the ingredients.

Shopping with mom. A big change cause I DON'T ADORE shopping of any kind.

It zaps the energy out of me but whatever makes her happy makes me happy. =)

Talking (a lot) with dad. Just to keep him company.

My dad aged a lot this past few months. Must be due to the loss of his brother (my uncle) and the surgery.

But i got to say he looks better, after the surgery. It's like a whole new happy smiling version of him. Nice right~xD

Small steps but I feel that I accomplished quite a lot. I feel way better than before. I feel...motivated. =)

So to all out there who is feeling unmotivated...1. smile 2. make some aims and 3. accomplished them.

Good luck and may the force be with you.

Juinn

Over and out.

中秋节

今年的中秋节，和以往不同。

大哥，二哥已返美国。

爸爸开刀住院，妈妈住院陪爸。

明天，九月十九日，大大的家里，只剩我和我弟。

以前的我可能会很兴奋，但现在的我只感到一身空虚。可悲。

如果我可以许愿的话或许愿会成真的话，我希望爸爸，大哥，二哥，妈妈，弟弟都顺顺利利，以后才能再一家团聚。

Peace to all... 

Regards

Juinn

Currently in Pantai Hospital Melaka,

Watching crappy movies.

Everybody changes

It has been 3 months. Three whole months away from UK. Hanging out around home for quite awhile now. I guess all this time gave me a chance to rethink myself, especially my life.

Everybody changes given time. To good to bad, it is never certain and differs according to who, where and why. A few days ago my parents told me they expected me to change for the better good, which is kinda disappointing cause I didn't. Well I did change, just not so to the good side.

What happened to me? Something must have gone wrong along the way, because out of nowhere an idea popped into my thoughts, to not believe that I will find my one true love. I was so certain of it that I gave up. No affection, no deep kisses, no long chats, no dates. The part of my brain that tells me to love just stopped. I was a changed man.

Obviously after sometime I realized and bla bla nervous breakdown, crying at night, no appetite for food. I was devastated and a goner. I started falling and falling till I was pretty close to the bottom of the shit hole.

Next thing I knew I was drinking. Me getting drunk makes me forget and it always cheer me up. I didn't drink all the day, once a week I go drink. It normally lasts for a week so everything worked out fine. However it turned out not to be fine. I craved for a companion. I made out, randomly. It was a dark time.

Nothing changed. I'm still lonely. My heart still aches. I want something better, something like love. Who doesn't want love, to be love or loving someone, now THAT is a gift from god.

可能我承认我是有点fucked-up，但是我是真的很想变。我想改作为‘好人’。

Everybody changes. I want to change from who I changed into to a better man.

So whoever you are, wherever you can be. Please for god sake change me.

PS: I'm gonna fucking miss my brother. Well at least something changed. =)

Juinn

Love Somebody

I really want to love somebody...

So take me all away~~

Heart broken

The thing I cant stand most are couples, especially couples that have a limited brain capacity. They tend to make me pissed naturally. 

How to know which couples are...limited? Follow them on Instagram. I am serious. After the break-up-i-dont-give-a-fuck day, the posts will suddenly disappear. However give it a few days for the news to sink in and walah, a post comes up with a sentence of two that is so emo it makes u wanna die of emo-syndrome. 

Whats worse is the smile. The fake-like-koreans-nose fake level smiles. Seeing it makes u forget completely how wonderful it is to smile. The world will turn black and white and eventually u will cease to exist.

Okay maybe I am exaggerating a bit. Maybe i am pissed off because i was the one who pushed the male a little on the back to confess to the girl i might like a little tinsy bit but still...i gave up something n what did i get in return? More pain and sadness? Fuck yeah...im a weirdo...damn i wish i could fly back to england now and tell the two of them that they r stupid to the limit. 

Ass holes.

Anyways, I kinda envy them. Seeing them happy for awhile made me wanna fall in love again(if thats possible ha). So anybody have any ideas give me a call.

I am seriously lonely to my core.

God bless all(even syrians too)

Peace my daugs...xD

Luck stealer bastard

So...im kinda in a bad mood...

Mostly because i was told im really bad at expressing myself.

Am i?

Okay maybe its true im not the kind of guy that says everything that crosses his mind without thinking, im more of a careful thinker that gives things some thoughts before blabbering on about this and that.

Oh n btw today i feel like my luck just went from max to zero.

Made my whole day sucked and i wonder if getting scolded is the main reason for it.

Yesterday i had fun in my golf session. Had some pretty nice shots. Today i was totally off my usual standards. Its like somebody use a luck-sucker device to suck all my luck and boom, an unlucky boy which might die with every step he takes.

Okay so that may sound childish but bear with me. Im really really at my limit and u dont want to see me blow up like a blowfish or a volcano. No u dont. 

Anyways ciao and have a nice day week year decade century and death.

...(no words can express what I'm feeling now)

So...you all know what a first crush is right?
Special...Amazing...Pure...and also unforgettable

Well today's my high school 100 years anniversary...
I was sad I missed it and everything so I was looking through some pics and vids posted on fb and insta...
Guess what...I saw my first crush...
For those who doesn't know it was a long time ago...I was 12...
And with just one look I remembered everything.
The feeling...her face when she was younger and how much she actually changed.
Of course she is in a relationship and I have no bad intentions but still...
Everything just came flooding back into my mind...
And I'm pretty sure my heart rate went sky rocket...LOL

WOW...even now I feel like flying...
and I was hit pretty hard when I agree I am totally out of her league.
Damn she is a beauty. And that mole just under her mouth slightly to the left.
ARGH!!!!

Conclusion is that the first crush is...the best...nothing can beat it.
You can forget it but well...it will always be part of you...
Like me. Now that is appeared again...I can't fucking focus on BIOLOGY!!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK...I blame instagram...and my cousin...and her for turning up...

Okay so I'm overacting but guess shit happens to me all the time.
Juinn...trying to forget AGAIN...ciao kekao

Life's a dick

So do you know why life's a dick?
because...it gets hard for 'special' reasons~xD

Anyway, so what if life sucks?
Should I cry?
Complain?
Stop living?

Hmmmm...
Fuck it.
I'm so damn pissed off by exams, I don't give a shit.
Or rather exams are shit so why give a fuck.

I obviously need a break.
Lying on the bed.
Reading books.
Thinking of absolutely nothing.
Let my imagination take me.
Away from this shit hole.
Haha nice one.

Okay I'm a little cuckoo right now.

To all who are still breathing.
Cherish life or be perish for time doesn't wait, it just take.
Tick tock tick tock, fuck the world and suck my cock!!
Bwahahahahhaha

Astalabista and saiyanora mathafakas~
Juinn out.

Everything will be alright...

A lot has to been going on these few days.

The pain of losing someone...is just unexpectedly painful.

All I want to say is thank you for everything you have done to hold this family together and thanks for believing in me.

阿弥陀佛。

So...life goes on. 

For those who are still in pain, I know how you are feeling. 

The pain still haunts me some sleepless nights.

But guys, everything will be alright. It always will.

So wipe your tears. Calm yourself and stand up straight.

I'm pretty sure he will want all of us to be strong, just like him.

To be honest, totally bad timing.

With my interview on Monday and exams in the next few weeks, I am totally exhausted. Not even a good night sleep helps. It's...unbearable.

I'm so excited and sad and worried and nervous. 

I have no appetite but I still force myself as I need it.

I really hope everything works out well. 

I really need this to work out.

So if any of you have some spare luck, you mind wishing me?

Thanks. =]

Juinn.

Hopeful.

Fuck this and that!

Yes I'm serious. I wanna fuck this n that.
Know why? No? Me neither.

Well after thinking for awhile I think it's because I'm annoyed.
Annoyed of...everything.
Reasons? Cause I hate being pressured.
Makes me want to puke.
e.g.: EXAMS...
shit exams...I really wanna do good but ur name just make me wanna punch something.

I had already put in effort.
I have seen hope so please just please don't let me lose hope.
Just...go easy on me.

Sincerely，
Juinn
(fuck exams)

=)

Fuck Politics

I am a politic noob...
I dont give a shit about it...
So I'm just gonna pray for everybody's safety cause ypu never know, some ppl can just do crazy stuff.

Lastly...FUCK BN!!xD
(I just love saying that~^^)

Juinn out.

As usual

Like I like to say, whenever you feel down think that it's okay, because things can't get any worse right?
Now that I'm starting to feel great, everything just gets worse.
Curse my fucking motto!!!

Focus...focus...focus...
Study...study...study...

Just for your info, what you just said just made my day, no week, maybe even month a lot WORSE...
So...thanks a lot.

Juinn.

WOW...

How many months since I last seen my blog...
I have seriously been lazy...TOO lazy...
Anyways, after reading so many new(and old at the same time) blog posts, I have decided to write something.

Only problem is...what is that something? LOL

Lets start with...things that happened this past few months.
I got to say, things have been pretty excited these past few months.
I got rejected by all 4 universities for Medicine.
I dated someone that I was talked into by my 'lovely' friends.
I went to Munich and Amsterdam with the dudes(of course including my BFF Louis).
I started putting effort into my studies.
I turned 18.
I earned 50 pounds by washing lots and lots of teacups.
I ate a lot of takeaways.
I grew taller.(I think)
I work-shadowed in a hospital.
I didn't had a haircut since Christmas.
and I'm going to finish my A-levels in a few weeks time.

Well the rejections hit me pretty hard, especially the first one. It's like a meteor coming out of no where and hitting my breath out, breaking all my bones and pulverizing me in an instant. (I might have exaggerated a little). I admit I was lost for awhile. I was jealous of my friends who got offers, because of their 'special' skin colours. Like what my Chemistry teacher said:"Life isn't fair. Get over it." And I did. So after discussing for weeks and a few arguments, I have decided to enroll myself in IMU and study Medicine. Good thing they have a special programme where I can go to either UK or US after two and a half years. I'm seriously going to miss this place...

To be honest, I had no idea whatsoever in the 'let-Juinn-date-someone-before-he-leaves' mission. It was Spring Fling. I had a few drinks. I kissed someone. Done. Nothing more. However I did learn something for this weird experience. I miss being in love and kissing someone I'm not into is just...unsatisfying. I seriously need to train my endurance skills PRONTO!!!

Munich trip was nice and chill and...nice. Thanks to Louis and his dad, I had a great time. Good food, good beer, good scenery, good good good. On the other hand, Amsterdam trip was...a one heck of a trip. Shit happened. Once in a lifetime experience. And...I'm never going back to that place again. Although I got to say it is a very beautiful city. Also the ASOT experience was mind-blowing! For those who doesn't know ASOT stands for A state of trance where DJs play trance music which is something I'm new in but I kinda like it.

Putting effort into my studies is just something that came out of no where. An accident. I actually kinda enjoy it, but still so not the original me.

Ooooh...I turned 18. I'm officially old(by my own standards). 18 huh? Nothing much. A few drinks. Felt like an adult, but miss being a naive childish kid. Okay I'm starting to feel sad because of the fact I'm 18 so lets skip to the next one shale we?

Hard earned money is always the sweetest one. 50 pounds. Not much but still it was a fun, nice and cool experience. My once smooth hands became slightly rough but it was worth it.

Takeaways are very tempting. I have a bad feeling they might actually drug us to make us addicted to the food or something. The hard earned money above, most of it used for takeaways. Sad but it's the truth.

I grew taller. I'm not sure. Just a feeling as people and thins are getting smaller. However, my height is just not good enough. Grow Juinn! GROW! Hormones to your thing!

The hospital experience is one of the most valuable one. Surgeries, diagnosing, therapies, appointments, chatting with doctors. These are so so so awesome, I can't tell you how much I love it. The walk every morning was worth it and so you know I had to walk 40 minutes every morning in my leather shoes which isn't easy. I got to meet people who I am actually still in contact with, know some basics about being a doctor, pros and cons of being one and also preparing myself to face my absurd crazy future of being a doctor. Honestly I was creeped out by what they first told me but letting it sink in made me hold on to my decision much much stronger. Booyeah!

Haircuts here are so expensive so...don't blame my laziness. :P

Lastly before I go back to studying, I just want to say I'm seriously gonna miss this place and even though I might not be coming back again, you guys will always be in my memories and stories that I will tell others. I will say we are best friends, because good friends listen to my stories, but best friends will always be in my stories. Cheers guys and may the force be with you...during the exams. Good luck.

Juinn
over....n out =)

Christmas Partay ~ 30/11/2012

To be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to this party at all. My friend, Joel, who is in the student council said that preparation was horrible and I believed too for the budget was like so damn low. You can know I wasn't gonna party much that night if you saw what I wore - a blue button shirt, a short, flip-flops and a sleeveless jacket, which was totally no the type of shirt you wear to a party. LOL.

It was a non alcohol party.(serious). However, me n my friends did have some...coke mixed with vodka from Ukraine...before the party. Oh and I found out that the best ratio to mix vodka and coke is 1:4. LOL. We weren't drunk or high at all to be honest. We were just all calm and chilling. Everything went out of control when we went to the party.

The DJ was AWESOME! It was like he knows what songs to make you high and going. We were jumping, shouting, dancing, showing off our dance moves. We went crazy from start to end. Thank god we had the stupid band booked by the crazy teacher in charge and changed it into a DJ, for no DJ = no party =no fun. We were crazy even when all we were drinking was some orange juice and coke, which of course cannot make you drunk.

I have only one thing to say about the party. We were the center, the core, the life source of the party. Wherever we go people just crowded around us. We were like a magnet for party peepers and just had the party going. Those who were just chilling at the tables, we went and pull them in. Those who were going to stop partying and was bored, we went and dance with them till their party spirits came back. Howe, Derrick, Khai, Hup Eu, Jed, Joel, Vlad...you guys were awesome and I know you guys had an awesome time too. The perfect party gang. The BEST.

There was also a funny thing. When I partied till I was out of gas and was at the brink of fainting. I went to chill and catch my breath at the table. And a teacher, Mr Tatar was like:" Juinn, do you seriously think that this is a party?" LOL...sir, times are different. This is how a party rocks not with an old-man band playing the oldies and people waltzing around.That is just so like a ball, which is not A PARTY~xD

The party was a total success and ended perfectly with everyone satisfied. We also went back too. Exhausted and tired we started chilling and PS3-ing. That ended when Vlad brought more booze with his another friend. There was a lot actually, but nobody drank much except...me. LOL. I was like mixing different kinds together and drinking them and man after awhile, it hit me hard. I was blacked out. I can hear and see but couldn't think straight. I was literally carried out to get some fresh air and then carried in onto the couch. On the way back I even hit Catorina in the face, which of course I apologized and bought chocolates for her which then she forgave me. Then I was carried upstairs to Hup Eu's room and thrown onto the bed. Laura took care of me the whole night. I was so drunk I didn't even know I fell on the floor, damn. Hup Eu then had to sleep in Khai's room who went to sleep with Kiki(his girlfriend, cute couple i must say~xD). Howe had to call my host parents saying that I'm staying over and everything. Joel and the others had to clean up the mess. And well, everybody was just helping me out and I really want to thank them. God you guys r just perfect, the best, the unforgettable, the friends I will never ever wanna forget. Thanks guys. You make my current life perfect and I am grateful for that.

Standing by me when help is needed - friends. So that was how everything ended. LOL. Crazy right. I also promise never to get so drunk ever. Cross my heart. Dudes and ladies, Merry Christmas.

Juinn, hangover, grateful, hoping, praying and loving life.
Over and out. =D

It has been too long...apart for too too long...

Eight weeks, fifty six days...
now that sure is a long long time.
A lot had happened in the past few weeks, a lot of enjoyment, fun, exams, homework, more fun, and ended with a cold and a cough. LOL.

This semester has been worth-living.
Other than the academic pressure, I actually enjoyed myself.
It all started with the PS3...and it still is actually..lol
but that is what bonded us, the laughter, the friendly insults, the imitations.
Now that is a start of a new friendship.
I got to say I'm lucky, international friendships aren't easy to find.

Well first I better introduce my new Portuguese name...Humbearto...pronounced as Umbeto...lol weird.
Given by another Portuguese friend Catarina..also called Crazy Queen Kameela.
People from Portugal are just...funny...nice...kind and seriously, CRAZY!xD

Other than friends, relationships with the teachers are good as well.
Mrs Johnstone(awesome Chemistry teacher from Romania) actually said she looks forward to all our classes because we are just too nice to teach. Honestly we too looked forward to her classes.
Dr Fitzsimons who wrote my reference and also one of my favorite Biology teacher also recommended me to take part in the Biology Olympiad. Looking forward to it^^
Oh I also just did my Physics Olympiad and it was...HORRIBLE!!!!
Same goes to my Maths Challenge. I'm seriously beat up by them but I had fun with them too. Challenging.

New motto of my is: Never try never know, once you tried you'll forever know.

Waiting for replies has been killing me. I am devastated but all I can do is not think about it by busying myself.

I really can't wait for Christmas partay~xD
Hope it will be fun as the summer ball^^

Missing home, and a few more weeks more.
Time flies and by then I will be flying home.
To all, live life be happy and cheers~^^