Everybody changes

It has been 3 months. Three whole months away from UK. Hanging out around home for quite awhile now. I guess all this time gave me a chance to rethink myself, especially my life.

Everybody changes given time. To good to bad, it is never certain and differs according to who, where and why. A few days ago my parents told me they expected me to change for the better good, which is kinda disappointing cause I didn't. Well I did change, just not so to the good side.

What happened to me? Something must have gone wrong along the way, because out of nowhere an idea popped into my thoughts, to not believe that I will find my one true love. I was so certain of it that I gave up. No affection, no deep kisses, no long chats, no dates. The part of my brain that tells me to love just stopped. I was a changed man.

Obviously after sometime I realized and bla bla nervous breakdown, crying at night, no appetite for food. I was devastated and a goner. I started falling and falling till I was pretty close to the bottom of the shit hole.

Next thing I knew I was drinking. Me getting drunk makes me forget and it always cheer me up. I didn't drink all the day, once a week I go drink. It normally lasts for a week so everything worked out fine. However it turned out not to be fine. I craved for a companion. I made out, randomly. It was a dark time.

Nothing changed. I'm still lonely. My heart still aches. I want something better, something like love. Who doesn't want love, to be love or loving someone, now THAT is a gift from god.

可能我承认我是有点fucked-up，但是我是真的很想变。我想改作为‘好人’。

Everybody changes. I want to change from who I changed into to a better man.

So whoever you are, wherever you can be. Please for god sake change me.

PS: I'm gonna fucking miss my brother. Well at least something changed. =)

Juinn